Straight Female / 47
Attention
After my divorce, I was struggling finding myself. We never had kids. We had a nice house that I no longer lived in anymore. My job stayed the same and it was a good job, but it wasn’t living the dream per se. No local family to speak of. Post divorce blahs set in.
I thought dating may break the cycle of blah so I made a deliberate effort to go outside of what I would feel would be my comfort zone. I ‘matched’ various men on various apps and started chatting, which by the way, isn’t something I would normally do either. I am a 47 year old white woman and most of the matches were same age black men.
After dealing with the goods and not so goods of online dating, I found one, Trayvon, that looked really promising. Chat, phone chat, public meet was how it progressed. It was really a lot of fun to be honest. We decided to ‘play’ after our first meet. It was kissing and touching and oral sex, but no full sex. Again, it was fun.
The next day, a Saturday, I get a call from Trayvon’s friend asking to go on a date. It was weird, so I declined until I could speak with Trayvon about it. Trayvon acknowledged Brian’s contacting me was totally cool and it was cool if I went out with him….not that what I had with Trayvon was dating (one public meet and all). So Brian and I went out for a drink that night, same kind of play as I had with Trayvon. A couple nights later, another guy calls - Will. Will is friends with both guys. At my lowest point mentally, I am starting to enjoy the attention. I go out with Will and the same kind of play happens. I do not really have any mental relationship with these men, but again, the attention has found my soul. Then came Marley, then came Thomas, making this five men in a three week period. The attention was invigorating. After doing some self evaluation I came to the conclusion that maybe I was not as open and free and available with my ex husband as I was or am being with these men. There were other issues too - divorce is a two person car ride for sure.
Week four rolls around and I have voicemails from three other men. Fuck it, what’s the harm with meeting them too? Now my number is eight in four weeks. Almost every night I am leaving work to meet one of these men as I love the attention. A guy named Scottie was the first guy to fuck me. I cannot lie, his cock stretched me to the max and I came like nobody’s business! Then one by one, they all had sex with me.
Fast forward to a year or so later (current day), I have a stable of men that regularly fuck me. Most are black and the rest are white. For this confession, I actually counted how many men have fucked me since my divorce. The number is 38.
It is funny, I no longer have esteem issues. I actually go to the gym four days per week (you should see my ass and I have to be in shape with all of these men fucking me.) I am eating better. I started looking for a new job and actually found my same job with a different company and better pay. In reality, my life is more fulfilling now because I allowed myself to ‘explore’ the world around me. I really do not blame anyone but myself for having the blues. But I do take credit for getting out of my own way to fix the blahs.
I thought dating may break the cycle of blah so I made a deliberate effort to go outside of what I would feel would be my comfort zone. I ‘matched’ various men on various apps and started chatting, which by the way, isn’t something I would normally do either. I am a 47 year old white woman and most of the matches were same age black men.
After dealing with the goods and not so goods of online dating, I found one, Trayvon, that looked really promising. Chat, phone chat, public meet was how it progressed. It was really a lot of fun to be honest. We decided to ‘play’ after our first meet. It was kissing and touching and oral sex, but no full sex. Again, it was fun.
The next day, a Saturday, I get a call from Trayvon’s friend asking to go on a date. It was weird, so I declined until I could speak with Trayvon about it. Trayvon acknowledged Brian’s contacting me was totally cool and it was cool if I went out with him….not that what I had with Trayvon was dating (one public meet and all). So Brian and I went out for a drink that night, same kind of play as I had with Trayvon. A couple nights later, another guy calls - Will. Will is friends with both guys. At my lowest point mentally, I am starting to enjoy the attention. I go out with Will and the same kind of play happens. I do not really have any mental relationship with these men, but again, the attention has found my soul. Then came Marley, then came Thomas, making this five men in a three week period. The attention was invigorating. After doing some self evaluation I came to the conclusion that maybe I was not as open and free and available with my ex husband as I was or am being with these men. There were other issues too - divorce is a two person car ride for sure.
Week four rolls around and I have voicemails from three other men. Fuck it, what’s the harm with meeting them too? Now my number is eight in four weeks. Almost every night I am leaving work to meet one of these men as I love the attention. A guy named Scottie was the first guy to fuck me. I cannot lie, his cock stretched me to the max and I came like nobody’s business! Then one by one, they all had sex with me.
Fast forward to a year or so later (current day), I have a stable of men that regularly fuck me. Most are black and the rest are white. For this confession, I actually counted how many men have fucked me since my divorce. The number is 38.
It is funny, I no longer have esteem issues. I actually go to the gym four days per week (you should see my ass and I have to be in shape with all of these men fucking me.) I am eating better. I started looking for a new job and actually found my same job with a different company and better pay. In reality, my life is more fulfilling now because I allowed myself to ‘explore’ the world around me. I really do not blame anyone but myself for having the blues. But I do take credit for getting out of my own way to fix the blahs.
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