Some Observations About Homosexuality, What I Tell My Patients

My personal research tells me that most married couples run out of steam pretty early in the relationship. Sex becomes an obligation, but there is no spark. Yes, some claim that it's still there, but in their moments of clarity they realize that it's not. My research, I'm not talking about 'research' by professionals who need to publish or go out of business.

Like for instance right now, these 'professionals' claim that instead of the very long standing measures of homosexuality (under 3 percent) that more and more people, especially women, are coming out. I don't believe it, what they say, it's the way they are framing the question.

My social circle is almost 100% gay. Gay as in a truly gay, not pastime gay behavior or bros. I'm talking gay, queer, homosexual. I'm a homosexual. I've known that for a long long time, since my early college days. I would rather not be, to be honest. I spent most of my college with a young woman, a very nice, young woman. Telling her I was gay and it wasn't ever going to work at the base level was the hardest thing I have ever done. Telling her. Telling other people was a piece of cake.

I'm a bottom. Turns out that most gays are at heart bottoms. Some, but very few really, are truly tops. Most bottoms can and do top, it's a part of the moment. Homosexuality is being who your body says it's not. Accept it, when it comes to sex you're the woman. That's the role you want. That's why it is so hard to have a true relationship, although some do exist. I know more than a few. It's not about wearing dresses, that's not what homosexuality is. It's not about sexual activity, anyone can suck a dick, or take a dick up their ass. I mean, lots of women do it. Homosexuality is about your inner wiring. You can't change it, but that does not mean that being hypersexual is being a homosexual. Many homosexuals have very quiet sexual lives.

My first homosexual sex wasn't until I was 20 in college, and that was with a forty four year old man. My first truly homosexual feelings wasn't until I was in my late twenties and that was with a fifty year old man. Yes, I am one of those homosexuals that needs a much more mature man to be in love with. Same age quite frankly doesn't turn me on, I need wisdom, not a hard dick, to fall in love with.

My partner, I don't really go for the husband and being married thing, has just now turned seventy. I'm 58. He like me is a lifelong homosexual, a truly great man, a man with deep wisdom. He has brought out the best in me, and that's not sex. For us it's always been about being together, sharing thoughts, not sex. It's about living the life together, not sex. In fact sex plays a small part, it's about sharing a bed, breakfast. Not sex. And I find in my research that that is true with long time married heterosexual couples. Sex is nice, but it's just a small part of being together. In fact when sex is the primary driver the couples don't last.

My research, I don't get paid to publish. My mother told me that being in love is about wanting, the operative word, wanting to make your partner happy. Not wanting your partner to make you happy. That has to come from them. When you want to make your partner happy, and your partner wants you to be happy, then you have the right stuff. And sex is a little bit of glue, the fairy dust, now and then.

Be easy on yourself, and do not let the 'image' of homosexuality define you. The image, as in Gay Pride, is wrong. Be yourself, go buy groceries and keep a clean house. One where you and your partner are at ease.