He Still Doesn't Know

My husband and I have been married for 27 years. He and I dated since late high school and never had sex until we got married. I don't think he did either before that. However; that really wasn't the case with me. He was at his dads out of town, and I went to a friends wedding from our school. Also there was my first boyfriend, I really loved him deeply but he couldn't put up with no sex. At the time I was only 15 and really wasn't ready for that. At the wedding, I got drunk and I went to his room with him. We had sex, I let him in my mouth and when he was hard he didn't ask, he just pushed me off him and got between my legs. Poised at my entrance he asked if I'd ever had sex. I told him the truth that this was the first time. He did it to me twice that night, and then again in the morning before I slinked back to my own room and promptly packed and left.

My boyfriend came back and asked about the wedding, I sloughed most of it off. I finally asked a woman friend, who lived across the street from me at my moms house about it. I told her it all, and despite my embarrassment, she asked her husband. There was no judgement in either of them. She merely asked if a guy could tell if a girl was having her first time or not. Without a hymen to bleed or break there really was no way. Obviously; if the girls vagina was super loose it would be a sign. The advice was, ONLY if asked, say I'd torn it on one of my brothers bikes. Other than that, fake a little pain or "getting used to it", ask him to slow down a bit, it hurts a little etc.

I immediately pressed my boyfriend to get married, and he agreed. On our wedding night, neither of us drank, we had sex, I did all the pretending though it didn't take much, it had been over a month since I did it, I was tight - he said so - and it was a bit uncomfortable and he sensed that. He seemed satisfied. I immediately got up and went to the toilet after, came back and washed him off. He asked about bleeding, I told him it wasn't much, and after we did it a few times I'd get used to having it inside me.

My husband bought it, and only my sister, the ex bf, and the two neighbors know the truth. I think overall it was the right thing to do, I gave him what he wanted, what I was too weak to give him in reality. But his reality is good. Mine? I'm still thinking how dumb I was for letting that ex asshole do that to me. By the way, the blood on the sheet and on his dick? He actually laughed at me about it.