Heart Broken Over 6 Years Ago

I got my heart broken over 6 years ago. A few days ago I saw an instagram post of her with an engagement ring on. Meanwhile I spent New years Eve and Day alone, at home. I slept before midnight, wanting to keep my sleep schedule. Truth is, it's really affecting me. I think I never really got over that relationship, even though I've had a relationship after that which just itself ended. I never really got over my ex.

When it ended, neither of us were ready. I still don't know what I could've done differently. It just felt like Karma - for her, not me. She cheated first, I forgave quickly. Then I got caught - intending to cheat, she wasn't so forgiving. I felt empty at first, I filled that void with solitude, then another relationship when I felt lost. I felt like I had a lot of love left to give. I was right.

I made another girl very happy. But she wasn't her - and I think she knew it deep down. We stayed together for 3 years, comforting each other, in a way. Now it's over, and seeing that post just hit me really hard. I've had trouble sleeping and keeping any sort of schedule. There's an intense loneliness, and I just want to hold someone right now. Anyone. It hurts, but I can't delay the hurting any longer. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't get better until I hit the bottom, so I need to take some time to grieve it.

Just wanted to get this out, since it felt so lonely. I know it will pass. I have friends - they're in their own lives now. I just needed someone to talk to. Shouting into the void feels nice.