When Life Confronts You, A New Life, A Dear Friend Passing

I was a nursing student. I had my rotation in obstetrics and saw my first pelvic exam, unbelievable how the doctor used the speculum to see inside her. She was checking her cervix, 'sit here' she said. 'Take a look.' 'That is a healthy cervix'. 'She'll be ready on time'.

I had never seen a woman's organs like that, so 'raw nature'. She seemed to have such a big pussy, Thick, deep dark colors inside, her vagina a hole you could identify immediately. To think that when I have oral sex it's there. I told my friend, and she was intrigued. I told her, believe me your pussy is meant for something, and getting a good lickin' is not the main purpose.

The patient delivered three weeks later and I had the pleasure of receiving the baby and the after birth. Any mystery of a pussy right out the window. The doctor, a woman in her forties, talked about the vulva and the vagina like you talk about the gas pedal and the break. No emotional attachment. One day I would be that disinterested.

I was floored, fall off your chair floored, when she told me she was a lesbian. Because she said, I was a lesbian, so why go around pretending. 'Tell me about your friend'. 'She needs to come in, her symptoms worry me'. Eight months later she was examining my friend and she told me that she needed a biopsy and monitoring. 'Baby' she called me like that. 'When you have sex, what do you do? I would like to check you too'.

It is so hard to talk to your lover doctor about your cervix, vagina, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries. It's not a picture in a book, it's all inside of you. 'Baby' she said, 'I want to follow up with your every six months'. 'Your PAP smear came back questionable'. Cervicale cancer at 26 years of age? Seems that all that playing around when you are a teenager, especially multiple partners are a problem. 'Baby, look at me Baby, no more sex for a while'. She is a good doctor and after a year she said I was probably ok, but I had to be diligent about testing myself and no more sex and stay out of bed with other girls, unless she had checked them first. So no girlfriends.

My friend had a hysterectomy. The biopsies on her uterus and her ovaries, positive. So young and she was sterilized. I know, lesbians shouldn't care, but you do care. Deciding to not get pregnant is different of never being able to get pregnant.

'Baby, come here, Baby'. 'I don't want to scare you, but you know as well as I do that I will have to take care of you.' 'I think you should move in with me, where I can keep an eye on you'. 'Baby, are you listening to me?'

'Your friend is probably going to be all right, but she will need to be closely monitored all her life. Maybe, just maybe she was just unlucky. But her age is a problem. Do you think you can talk sense into her. She needs the Chemo. And she has to keep up with her checkups. This cancer is ovarian cancer, and it's metastasized.'

'Baby, I'm talking to you.' 'I love you Baby, let me take care of you'.

'Baby, come to me Baby' 'The PAP smears have not shown anything, it was probably nothing. False positive'. 'Baby, I'm sorry about your friend'. 'Baby, if you want to cry I'm here to hold you'. 'Baby, I love you'.

Medicine is about people, real people, people you care about. Luck is either bad or good, but unlucky is a bad thing. Five years is a long time, unless it's you. My friend didn't have five years, the cancer had spread to her breast and to her lungs. The Chemo worked for a while.

I think about her a lot. You have sex with the same organs. You get pregnant with same organs. I got pregnant for her, had a baby for her. I named my baby after her. She held her, she brought so much joy to her. This way I will never forget her and she will never be forgotten.

'Baby, it's time, let's go' 'Is Katy ready?'