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Gay Stories
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Gay Male / 30
Ashamed That I Was A Sexually Aggressive Youth
I accepted I was gay at a really young age. Single digit age. I didn't tell people or express this openly, but my thoughts and actions were all... complicated by this. Specifically I was obsessed with lude sexual acts at an age where my cognitive faculties were lacking and I was not equipped to make good choices.
I also had my own computer, high speed internet, and a door that locked when I was MUCH too young for all of those things. I got really addicted to internet porn (especially cartoons, go figure) before junior high.
I wasn't conflicted about being gay, which I knew was fine. I was conflicted about being kind of a perv. I was super preoccupied with boys with big asses. I was a relatively bright youth (good grades, advanced classes, talented and g*fted program TAG) - but I really didn't have empathy or emotional intelligence yet. Cleverness without a conscience and a very mature sexual appetite was a bad mix. I came up with ways to barter for sex with other boys while managing to 1) Not get caught 2) Not even necessarily let them think I'm gay 3) Convince them they wanted it too. Now, I'm not defending this behavior, but do understand all these instances were consensual in the moment and while we were too young, we were all around the same age.
"uh oh I like boys, maybe I wanna kiss one someday." Is a normal struggle for a gay preteen. My struggle was, "I want to lick that dude's stanky asshole."
Of course I also asked myself "WTF is wrong with me? Do you have any idea how gross that is? Maybe gays are evil and gross." Granted, I didn't know that 10 years later ass-eating would be hella in style. I just thought I was the one demented faggot who wanted this, maybe due to a rare mental disorder?
But I wanted some man ass so bad that I took small risks to find out if and when it could be attained. Over the years, a few boys just outright agreed to the idea of sex. One of them I think was gay and he was almost too eager, another was straight and frankly kind of a little psycho who just wanted to hump some ass cheeks. I remember hating him but liking the idea, "Oh, now I'm the one being pursued." However, there were others who shockingly didn't jump right on the butt stuff bandwagon I proposed.
This is where my behavior was regrettable. At the time, it did not occur to me that I was basically tricking these guys into what could be a lot of emotional turmoil later. Most of them were straight but willing to "trade" for it and that seemed like a perfectly reasonable transaction to me. I first got the brilliant idea of basically introducing prostitution to my peers the day I got a really rare pokemon card in one of those random packs. I didn't like pokemon (I know, that's almost worse than the sexual deviant thing) but this other boy who definitely wasn't interested in letting me go to town on his rump wanted that card a lot. There was a lot of negotiating and I firmly remember arguing for a certain amount of time for the sex. Like, "It's gotta be at least 10 minutes." Well, when it actually happened I was so overwhelmed that I sure as fuck didn't last 10 minutes. Our friendship vanished immediately afterward, too. Neither of us could look at each other and this is what usually happened.
Pokemon cards were a common one. I don't remember how many times I traded those. I also gave one kid a really nice bike that I had saved up for the better part of a year in advance with the idea I might get to fuck a particular bike-needing individual. I did. It lasted a couple minutes and immediately destroyed the otherwise innocent friendship and left me with a lot of shame and confusion. However, as soon as the urge was back, I was masturbating to the memory of eating his ass in the woods around our neighborhood. I really started to hate myself because I knew I would be unhappy wanting it and I'd be unhappy if I got it.
I also pawned a sizeable anime collection to another boy I knew was straight but sexually charged enough that he could mentally cope with the arrangement. 4 anime series in return for as much sex as I wanted that night - which became a ridiculous roller coaster for both of us, changing our minds numerous times each. We first exchanged oral sex. Both finished, which was unusual. Both disgusted, and he has to take the anime and get out of my sight. But an hour later I wanted it again and our contract was still running. I snuck over to his house in the middle of the night and we had sex a few more times.
Finally, and worst of all, I once convinced a classmate that I had a gay demon controlling me, that gay sex would get it out of me, and if he helped me I would be cured and would finally go to this youth worship thing on Saturdays as he wanted. We went into a sport shed by the track and I got cum all over his shirt. It was bad. He freaked out, started crying. I had to sneak him a shirt from the Lost and Found... and I never went to his church thing. I am so ashamed. Never really told any of this.
I also had my own computer, high speed internet, and a door that locked when I was MUCH too young for all of those things. I got really addicted to internet porn (especially cartoons, go figure) before junior high.
I wasn't conflicted about being gay, which I knew was fine. I was conflicted about being kind of a perv. I was super preoccupied with boys with big asses. I was a relatively bright youth (good grades, advanced classes, talented and g*fted program TAG) - but I really didn't have empathy or emotional intelligence yet. Cleverness without a conscience and a very mature sexual appetite was a bad mix. I came up with ways to barter for sex with other boys while managing to 1) Not get caught 2) Not even necessarily let them think I'm gay 3) Convince them they wanted it too. Now, I'm not defending this behavior, but do understand all these instances were consensual in the moment and while we were too young, we were all around the same age.
"uh oh I like boys, maybe I wanna kiss one someday." Is a normal struggle for a gay preteen. My struggle was, "I want to lick that dude's stanky asshole."
Of course I also asked myself "WTF is wrong with me? Do you have any idea how gross that is? Maybe gays are evil and gross." Granted, I didn't know that 10 years later ass-eating would be hella in style. I just thought I was the one demented faggot who wanted this, maybe due to a rare mental disorder?
But I wanted some man ass so bad that I took small risks to find out if and when it could be attained. Over the years, a few boys just outright agreed to the idea of sex. One of them I think was gay and he was almost too eager, another was straight and frankly kind of a little psycho who just wanted to hump some ass cheeks. I remember hating him but liking the idea, "Oh, now I'm the one being pursued." However, there were others who shockingly didn't jump right on the butt stuff bandwagon I proposed.
This is where my behavior was regrettable. At the time, it did not occur to me that I was basically tricking these guys into what could be a lot of emotional turmoil later. Most of them were straight but willing to "trade" for it and that seemed like a perfectly reasonable transaction to me. I first got the brilliant idea of basically introducing prostitution to my peers the day I got a really rare pokemon card in one of those random packs. I didn't like pokemon (I know, that's almost worse than the sexual deviant thing) but this other boy who definitely wasn't interested in letting me go to town on his rump wanted that card a lot. There was a lot of negotiating and I firmly remember arguing for a certain amount of time for the sex. Like, "It's gotta be at least 10 minutes." Well, when it actually happened I was so overwhelmed that I sure as fuck didn't last 10 minutes. Our friendship vanished immediately afterward, too. Neither of us could look at each other and this is what usually happened.
Pokemon cards were a common one. I don't remember how many times I traded those. I also gave one kid a really nice bike that I had saved up for the better part of a year in advance with the idea I might get to fuck a particular bike-needing individual. I did. It lasted a couple minutes and immediately destroyed the otherwise innocent friendship and left me with a lot of shame and confusion. However, as soon as the urge was back, I was masturbating to the memory of eating his ass in the woods around our neighborhood. I really started to hate myself because I knew I would be unhappy wanting it and I'd be unhappy if I got it.
I also pawned a sizeable anime collection to another boy I knew was straight but sexually charged enough that he could mentally cope with the arrangement. 4 anime series in return for as much sex as I wanted that night - which became a ridiculous roller coaster for both of us, changing our minds numerous times each. We first exchanged oral sex. Both finished, which was unusual. Both disgusted, and he has to take the anime and get out of my sight. But an hour later I wanted it again and our contract was still running. I snuck over to his house in the middle of the night and we had sex a few more times.
Finally, and worst of all, I once convinced a classmate that I had a gay demon controlling me, that gay sex would get it out of me, and if he helped me I would be cured and would finally go to this youth worship thing on Saturdays as he wanted. We went into a sport shed by the track and I got cum all over his shirt. It was bad. He freaked out, started crying. I had to sneak him a shirt from the Lost and Found... and I never went to his church thing. I am so ashamed. Never really told any of this.
