Currently Engaged Sexually With Another Man

My wife died after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, four months later. It left me alone. My family, children and siblings all live at a distance. I have thought about moving, but does any of them want me that close to them. I live alone, I sold my home and purchased a condominium. It is mixed use, some retired people, some young couples, most everyone works for a living. At the condominium I met a man who was divorced and equally lonely. He rented there, he wasn't sufficiently able financially to purchase any property. We became friends, in a casual way.

One afternoon he let me know that he had been thinking that he would like to have a relationship with a man, and that I was the one he was thinking of. Both alone, without families. To think about it, we would take small steps. I asked him if he had ever personally experienced intimacy with another man. He was hesitant, but he admitted to it, and that was was what led to his divorce. So you are gay? I asked him. His answer was maybe. He liked the sex part, but had never considered him self gay or homosexual.

He was far more experienced than I was. He started with purely oral. After a while he invited me to perform oral sex on him. The next step was enjoying total nudity together, physical caresses, rubbing my chest and pinching my nipples. It's become a problem for me, as I now have an urge to arouse my nipples. It culminated by him showing me what anal intercourse was. And I found it much more enjoyable than I would have thought. This introduction, or seduction, took several weeks before I was comfortable with engaging in sexual activity with him.

I don't identify with anything homosexual. The sex is much like sex with a strange woman you never see again, or a prostitute. It's not emotional, it's physical. But I do look forward to it, and do engage with him totally. I don't believe that he is not gay, I am very sure that I am not gay.