My Life Is Upside Down, My Future Bound By A Child And A Man

All of a sudden I showed up with a new baby girl. I claimed I had adopted her. It's a lie, I made her inside my own body and as scary as it was she was pulled out and laid on my naked chest to hold her. I fell in love immediately.

I hid from family and friends during my whole pregnancy and the three months after delivery. I claimed to have been in Nepal in a Happiness Program. I was at a friend's parent's house in a small town in New Mexico. She is not my love interest, she is a best friend. I am unattached?

I hope you understand how embarrassing it was to become pregnant. I have been a loud voice about abortion, a loud voice for women, in particular for lesbian women. I have been an unapologetic voice against male dominance. Becoming pregnant was not planned, or wanted. I hid because I was so totally embarrassed to be amongst my friends and community. Admitting that I was taken in intercourse was impossible. I tried for a few weeks to lie to my best friend but she caught on immediately.

Abortion became abhorrent to me. I know that nature took over, protect this baby at all costs. I protected my baby and she is healthy with me. I repeat, I fell in love immediately. As to the father.

He is the consummate patriarch father figure. He walked into my life accidently. He overwhelmed me. I said yes sir and felt guilty and embarrassed arguing against him. I reverted to being four in my father's arms. I surrendered, and he is the father of my daughter. I never kept it from him, he has supported me during my time since being impregnated. I don't know how my future and my daughter's future will unfold. I reject my dependency on him and at the same time hunger for it.

I am on a boat I know not where it's going, in the hands of a master mariner.