Twenty Years Since High School I'm Not An Adult Yet

It doesn't seem possible that I graduated from high school twenty years ago. Since then a lot has happened. I went to college, graduated, worked, became pregnant and had a child, struggled with the father, wound up where I am now, living with a female friend with benefits.

We don't pretend to be romantically involved, but we do care for each other. We have sex together because men get you pregnant and always want to be the boss of you. We know this is not healthy. I would much prefer my son's father, who I am still in love with, but he's married.

At one time, ages ago I went to a sex party. Me and another girl. It was r**e, out and out r**e. She and I woke up together back at my house. What I learned was that sometimes a woman can have sex with you and it's so real and rewarding. She and I remained sexual for a long time, until she got married after college and I got pregnant.

I'm lucky I have such a woman in my life. Making love with her is nothing like making love with my son's father. One makes love for each other, the other has sex for himself. That said, I sometimes need my son's father, need him like I need a tooth extraction, but not getting relief from him the pain is unbearable.