Secret Lives, Secret Lovers

It was debutante season. I was seventeen. The debutante ball was being held at the country club. My mother insisted I ask her best friend's son to be my escort. He was also seventeen. He wasn't part of the in crowd, not cool, not fun, didn't play sports. He was a band nerd. He had never been on a date. His mother was worried that he was exhibiting gay tendencies. My mother wanted me to find out. Offer him sex, I was already on birth control.

Personally I didn't like him. We had nothing to talk about.

At the ball, after the presentation of all the debutantes that season, he was beaten up in the boys bathroom. More than one guy. They broke his nose, and glasses. I held him against me trying to stop the bleeding. My gown was ruined. My mother took us to the emergency room, where they set his nose. He wouldn't say who beat him up.

We didn't have a chance to talk about sex.

I went to a nice safe teachers college. He went to MIT. He scored very high on his SATs, and he had an in, one of his uncles was an alumni. I had sex in college, mostly with other girls. It was our version of safe sex. When we had sex one of the girls had to be the guy' and one of the girls had to be the 'girl'. I somehow always had to be the guy. I liked being in charge, deciding what I did with her. A real guy tried to get me to go with him, but I managed to evade his advances.

After college I ran into 'him'. He had a degree in physics. He was mature. We had sex. My 'first' guy. His first 'girl'. It turned out we were both homosexuals, gay. After our one time we knew. We became homosexual friends. We protected each other's secret. We 'dated' and got 'engaged' snd got married. We did not consummate the marriage. He found men, and I found 'girls'. I never called my lovers women.

I got a lot of headwind from my family and his. Why wasn't I pregnant? Did I have a problem? Had I been to a doctor? They can check for problems. No one suggested, not even once that he could have a problem. Our problem was pretty simple, we never had sex. Not with our own kind.

We had been 'together' a few years when he told me why he was beat up for my debutante ball. Something about being caught giving oral sex to a ball player, a 'hero', big man on campus. They beat him up. That guy was married with a glamour girl, with kids and he fucked guys. I couldn't help but wonder if she had sex with him after he fucked some guy.

We continue with our charade. I never got pregnant, blamed it on him, and pretended to be heartbroken being denied children. We never cross paths with our lovers. That's the secret to our secret, we keep our lovers secret from each other.