Born Lesbian But I've Embraced Christianity And Salvation

This has some parts as a rant. I happen to be lesbian, but am not happy about it. I married a man to get some sanity into my life, even if that man is older than I am. I escape into housework, I'm a fiddler and a neat freak. I don't like a maid in my house. I'm average looking, but certainly a woman. My husband knows I'm lesbian and he rescued me.

I went to college and there was a big lesbian community. Most of the lesbians weren't lesbians, but it was college and it was the thing to do. But the real lesbians were bitches. It was like some badge of honor. And they shoved it in your face, you are not lesbian enough. In college my girlfriend was from a small town in the Midwest. She escaped a life of loneliness and typecasting. Her mistake was coming out. (I never came out to my family but they had figured it out).

After college (I'm a second grade teacher) I took a job in a large school district under the idea that I would have more opportunities to move up. The district was and is under the influence of activist and lesbians (California). Every woman on the board pretends she had balls. The atmosphere was terrible, for everyone, especially the children. One day I ran away from my job. Ran away as far as I could. Ran away to this man who rescued me. He made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Be his wife, have a home and have children, and keep my affairs under control. A condition for an affair is that he has to approve of her, it's an interview for her, and he has very specific attributes that he is looking for. Yes, he's projecting what he thinks a lesbian should be. His litmus test is that she has to be in love with me.

I teach at a private Episcopal school. All the women here are very nice, motherly and laid back and have been a great influence on me being both a wife and mother and learning to be the woman I should be. It is like sunshine after the storm. I don't look for or think I've met another lesbian here. My girlfriend, the one my husband finally gave me permission to be with, is a Christian book store manager. We are both exploring Christ and the Christian life we were missing. She does love me, and I suppose that means I love her too. But not above my husband, I make that clear, he comes first.

We had our fall festival. It was so nice to be around normal people, children and parents, and little girls in dresses and boys running amuck. The smiles and eyes twinkling and the home made pies and cookies and the decorations. "Fall festival" is a stolen name to take away "Thanksgiving". Guess where that comes from? Same thing with Spring break, when it's really about Easter and Winter break when it's about Christmas. I embrace my Christianity, and reject these notions that society at large should pay for the 'rights' of a few ugly people.

My rant is over. I just wanted to put out there that not all lesbians are activist or in your face, they just want to be your neighbors. And also that many of us are Christians and those are our values, we are wives and have children, our husbands are first in our lives. I don't like that I'm a lesbian, it's a cross that I have to bear and live with. Fortunately for me I met a man who understands and supports me and intervenes to make sure I make good choices.