Another Encounter One Of Many Maybe This One Will Lead To Another One

From the very first time I felt guilty. When I succumbed to having sex with another man I felt guilty for months at a time. I work in a liberal community, a bit too liberal for everyone's safety. I meet men by accident, I never look for them. But when it happens, it happens and it's a freight train that is headed for trouble.

I am in my mid fifties, you would think I've made peace with my condition. The opposite is true, I am more and more resentful. But I am also more and more lustful. I think this is the reason why I have never had a relationship. I'm afraid.

I met a man the other night at Walgreens. We were in line for medications. We talked small talk and he looked at me 'funny'. Something in me triggered and I realized 'hey that's me looking back at me'. I took the initiative and talked more than usual. After he picked up his medication he waited for me to get mine and we walked out together. He is in his mid forties and works as a statistician for an insurance company. We talked about coffee and went to Starbucks. I felt like leaning over and kissing him. There is no 'line' to break the ice, it always physical. I put my hand on his hand to grab his attention. He didn't pull his hand away, that's the signal.

We went to my place. I hardly ever host at my place, usually it's a neutral place like a motel. We made love, had sex, spent time watching a movie in boxer shorts with some oral pleasures mixed in. We slept together and showered together in the morning. He borrowed my toothbrush. We agreed to see each other again, but if these things are true to life it won't happen.