An Act Of Kindness, A Lifetime Of Highwire Stress With A Lesbian Wife

As a grad student I knowingly married a lesbian foreign student looking for a green card. She and I got into a heated argument about lesbians, I was not of the opinion with her political views, and this argument devolved into an unwanted sexual assault on my part. A devout Catholic divorce was out of consideration, which led to another argument and my response was to bring her into compliance and assert my sexual rights with her.

Her career choice was a non starter, Sociology, while mine was highly compensated. Pregnant, and economically dependent, she agreed to comply. If she wanted me home, she had to accommodate. Over the following five years she resigned herself to having children. A good Catholic girl, she had four children, two and two. Ideas of leaving the marriage were in the rear view mirror.

Lifestyle, motherhood, acceptance of her duties in bed, and fear of being displaced by a lover or mistress, she responded sexually. But, always coming back to me, 'I'm doing this because I don't have a choice'. But she did, she never took it.

Twenty give years of marriage, she found work at a Catholic non-profit, working with lesbians who wanted a straight lifestyle. Her message was simple, being a lesbian was their affliction, living a straight life was a choice. Open the door and walk through it. If she could do it they could too.

I, not her, stepped out and became involved outside of the marriage. She swallowed, her Catholic upbringing forbids divorce, but it hurt her. She was the wife, and by God it was her I should turn to. And she claimed that from the day she got married that was her commitment. !! Now she was a wife, but was she when she got married? Wasn't a green card her objective?

Twenty five years is a quarter century, four children is a family, her best friend platonic relationships, her protestations that keeping her out of lesbian relationships was hugely more difficult than me keeping my nose clean. She is an unapologetic lesbian. She adopted the Catholic out of being Mary, the mother of Jesus, the sufferer. Complicated.

I've broken off my extramarital girlfriend, and I miss her. I can't ignore that sex with a woman who sees her place in being a sexual woman. Sex with a lesbian is a never ending train of withholding, accommodating but not participating.

Thanks for listening, if you can avoid it, don't marry a lesbian.