I Still Love My Ex, But She Is Crazy.

In my early 20's I dated a woman for 2 years and was obsessed with her. The first time I ever saw her, I was stunned by her beauty. She is still to this day the most beautiful person I've ever seen with my own eyes. I was an old soul though, even in my early 20's, I wanted to go to bed around 9, get up and run or workout at about 5 am. On Sundays I liked to just sip a coffee on my screened porch. She was the opposite of me in every way. She was beautiful and fit but she loved going out, and staying up late. She moved in with me for a few months, but I saw the side of her that was into powders and music festivals. She would head out on a Friday night and I wouldn't hear from her again until a following Monday or Tuesday sometimes... One night I got super drunk and told her I wanted to get married soon, and the next morning she told me about the conversation and was mad at me for it, so a week or 2 later I ended it. We clearly were not on the same page.

I am now married with 2 kids, and my ex has been engaged twice, to 2 men, and both have fallen through. She has a semi decent career, but I still have such a passionate love for her and wish our timelines aligned better. I would never betray my kids though, so she is completely out of the question for me, but I think about her every day. I'm even 99% sure she was cheating on me when she would disappear for long weekends without a word, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Its hard..