Ladies, It's Mostly Your Fault!

Ok, here goes. Probably more of a rant, sorry. I'm 64, retired marriage counselor and for the last 30 years specializing in couples therapy and specifically dealing with infidelity within the marriage.

Ladies, do you really want to know why your husband cheated? It's because of you! I'm not saying in every case, in fact, taking away the following circumstances:

Pathological liar
Secret homosexuality
Or that he just felt trapped and never really had the level of love he said he did.

It's your fault. You are selfish!! I've had literally thousands of men tell me they feel undervalued and overwhelmed and you don't care because your concerns are more important to you and you insist they be to him. Men will listen to you and let you vent because it makes you feel better. When he vents, you jump in and try to "fix it" STOP!!

You get upset about anything and the first thing you take off the table is sex.
Which is his primary means of feeling connected to you. Take that away and he withdraws.
You ask him what's wrong and he tells you. That leads to, (thousands of women have said this to me), "why is it always about sex? Is that all you think about?"

That leads him to shutting down because yes, physical contact, sexual contact, are pretty much every man's love language. Get that through you thick skulls ladies.
What makes you feel loved and valued is 99% emotional. What gives him the same feeling? The physical. That's how males feel loved, needed and emotionally connected to you..

Get the fuck over yourselves!!

I've had tons of women tell me sometimes they're just not in the mood and he gets upset, that upsets her and the problem gets worse - see the cycle developing here yet?

On the subject of oral sex, (this is a big complaint from both sexes)

She - "he always wants me to do it and I just don't like it"

He - "she loves it and I love to do it to make sure she has an orgasm but thinks it's gross or that I'm being a pig by asking "
Ladies, see the issue here? You want and in most relationships, expect it, but deny him the same pleasure. You think nothing of him going down on you and licking, sucking and swallowing up all your fluids but gag and are disgusted by the very though of his fluid?
GROW UP!

OK, I'm done now. BTW, happily married to the same man for 40 years, strong and secure relationship and yes, still sexually active even in our old age.

Thanks for reading my rant.