I Am In The Deep End Of A Crush With A Girl From The Gym

I am a twenty year married, lesbian, to a man following an unplanned pregnancy. I've been through conversion therapy to no avail. I pride myself in being monogamous and unapologetically loyal to my husband.
I won't deny it is difficult at times, but my husband is worth it. I know I can't 'please him'. My sexual response is passive, he wants affection with an active partner. He has hooked up with professional girls, Las Vegas, New York City. He likes affectionate, professional girls.

I day dream, if my husband is traveling, I masturbate. Neither my husband or my children are aware of my sexual preferences. I can't help crushing on certain types of girls. I'm going through gym workout girls right now.