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Two years ago when my husband and I were engaged, but not yet married, I got pregnant. I knew that I wasn't ready to be a mom yet, so I had an abortion. I kept it secret from my husband to be and he has never guessed.

We started trying to have a baby last year. No luck. My husband wants me to see a fertility specialist, but I'm afraid that the abortion screwed up something inside me and that's why I can't get pregnant. If my husband finds out, he will hate me forever.

What should I do?

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# 8543 - by Anonymous / December 29, 2003
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Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 7:09 AM

Get Superman to reverse the rotation of the Earth. This will turn back time and allow you not to make such a selfish stupid decision.

These are the consequences of your actions that you never hear about in the media.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 9:37 AM

I know this probably sounds corny, but just tell him the truth, lol, good luck!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 29, 2003 at 6:34 PM

I like the Superman approach myself.
But yea, get a test, and if thats the casewell then be like.
"Well, i WAS pregnent before, with your child. But i killed it, and now my insides are all fucked. sorry."

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 30, 2003 at 11:47 AM

Wow, y'all are sympathetic.
Look, Honey, you made a mistake and you aren't the only woman ever to do so. The damn doctors just don't tell the truth about the risks. Hell, half the time they don't even know themselves because they don't bother to keep records and women are too afraid to sue for malpractice later.
See if you can go to the fertility specialist alone. If she says there's a problem, talk to your minister or priest or rabbi before talking to your husband.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 30, 2003 at 8:39 PM

Hard to be sympathetic when there is a helpless baby involved...

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 30, 2003 at 9:09 PM

My X had two abortions, and then had two kids. I had a girlfriend that confessed to having 3 abortions; then she got pregnant and had a baby, and recently my friend had twins after 5 yrs of trying to get pregnant; turned out her hubby had a very low sperm count. My point..... go see your dr and find out what is really going on. Telling hubby your story now might be a major mistake.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 31, 2003 at 12:32 PM

Can a doctor tell if you've had an abortion?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 31, 2003 at 1:15 PM

Yes. When a woman gets pregant, even a couple weeks, her body undergoes hormonal changes and physical changes. Darker nipples are one sign. Another is that the cervix (entrance to the womb) changes. The cervix of a woman who has never been pregnant looks different from that of a woman who has been pregnant whether she gave birth, miscarried, or had an abortion. Any gyn can spot the difference as soon as they look.

Also sometimes, the uterus itself will stay slightly larger.

I'm a nurse's aide and sometimes at the clinic, we get girls and women who lie and say they've never been pregnant. When he or she does the exam, he doctor can tell they have been pregnant and will change their chart to the truth.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Jan 7, 2004 at 4:29 PM

I am infertile because of an abortion I had 10 years ago. I have scar tissue adhesions in 30% of my uterus. 2 years ago, I had laser surgery to remove a major adhesion that was blocking my cervix. It made my period last 2 weeks with terrible cramps. I'd love to sue the clinic that ruined my life, but I can't. So I just stand outside on Saturdays with medical photographs of my adhesions so that the girls who go inside know what they are risking. I've been arrested twice, but if it keeps one person from suffering like I have it is worth it.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 17, 2013 at 8:09 AM

If your husband wears briefs, get him into boxers--it really makes a difference--males frequently have low sperm count and a lot of the time it's caused by things they are doing. That is where you need to go to a fertility specialist and find out. The dr can also recommend sexual positions that help the sperm along. they will also be able to tell you if you have scarring from your abortion. In either case you need to see the dr, but fertility is almost always tested at the male first--it's easier and many times the problem that can easily be fixed.

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