i lied to my boyfriend and told him i found out he was cheating on me , there were signs that he was but i never had any real facts about it all, i think i lied about it so much cuz i wanted him to admit something to me!it caused alot of problems i should say i caused alot of problems , i started to beleave my own lies , it has been killing me to know that i have done this,he has gone away,moved on i should say and i am miserable.i think i just wanted him to beg for me to take him back, he did for awayle ,then i told him i wished he was dead ( more than once ) .why should he come back to someone that lies like that and wishes things bad to happen to someone, deep down i knew he dident love me like i loved him ,and i got suspicious and started makin things up to see if he would admit to something maby he was true but i will never know now, i havd made my bed and now i will have to lay in it ,i confessed to him today because i cant carry this around with me anymore ,ialso know i was wrong and what goes around comes around ,i guess i will step up to the plate when that day comes,idont know what is worse ,knowing he will never come back to me ,knowing i did this ,or the day it does come back to me. " this pain in my stomach wont go away,i assume this is punishment for all mistakes i have made,in a world where my actions speak louder than words"

i broke my own heart.