Okay, this is pretty weird... when I was just a little kid I read these apartment wrestling magazines. They always had two beautiful women fighting with each other. I really liked blondes and one of my friends and I played a little game. If the blonde was getting the abuse I would lose if the other woman was, my friend would lose. These were very erotic photographs and sensual/sexual "fighting". It was all fake and I realize that now, but I don't believe I thought at the time. My friend and I did those things to our penises and testicles as the girls were supposedly doing. My confession... I wanted to "lose" so that I would have to submit to almost anything he wanted. I can remember being punished with vacuum cleaners, punching and all credits of other things... we would laugh at each other. I never did this as an adult, but in the back of my mind a secret demon remains. Neither one of us were gay and we both married and moved on with our lives. But occasionally in the back of my mind I still wish there was a woman in a beautiful skin clad bikini to do those deeds of foolish fantasy to my genitals. I am trying to be a good Christian, but this foolishness pops up in the back of my mind every now and then. I just want to ask this in confession to see what others think... am I crazy? Curious for feedback and tried once before when I was up to admitting it... I've even had stupid fantasies of being castrated, etc. because of the stupidity... it is a guilty feeling and perhaps a sickness but I don't seem to be able to put it to sleep so to speak. That's all