This past Saturday, I went behind not only my boyfriend's back, but his girlfriend's back as well, to fuck one of my closest friends... All throughout the day, he had been teasing me either with words or by scratching down my back, massaging my thigh... he just kept making me moan, even in public. I continued to tell him to stop, but he wouldn't. We got back to his place after the Renaissance Faire to change for the second round of work (my only day on the job) when I just decided that enough was enough.
At first it just started as a blowjob. I thought "Okay, after this, that's it." But something threw that notion from my head and I climbed onto his lap, begging him for more because I was just so horny I couldn't think straight. So, we fucked.
Even at the job, I knew he felt guilty over what happened, despite the fact that he was the one who spent most of the day getting me soaked. We talked about it, and he agreed that nobody else will know what we did.
I spoke to him today, and he said that he had to tell his girl, another of my friends. He claimed to not even be able to look himself in the eye, and that he cries every time he messages "I love you" to her. (She's on vacation.) That's when the guilt finally hit me, that I, who always frowned upon cheating, sneaking around, lying, and just acting like a lowlife, had turned into one of the biggest hypocrites alive. I just can't explain how terrible I feel right now, and how I need to tell my guy as well...
Now I just feel like complete chicken shit, because I know what I have to do and I'm so afraid of how things are going to turn out. My friend's girl is never going to forgive me, my friend won't be able to look me in the eye, my guy will leave because of how badly I abused his trust. I can't even trust myself anymore.
JA, KS, and SB... I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up, I'm sorry I ruined so many things... You may not forgive me, but please know that I've never been so apologetic in my life. I don't deserve you guys.