Sex Confession #961 | Adult Confessions

- My Cheating Heart -

I have been cheating on my husband for almost three years now. It started out innocently enough, a drunken one-night stand. Then I began to need more. Not just the sex. I have realized that I need affection, affection that I am not getting in my marriage.

I feel horrible about the whole thing, but I feel doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes. My husband is a wonderful man, very caring, very kind. He loves me more than life. The horrible thing is that I don't feel the same for him. I've grown and he has stayed the same. We've been together for 9 years, and during that time I've grown professionally/personally and he hasn't. He's boring to me now.

I find myself searching for the "perfect" man all the time. I am not crazy enough to think that there's any such thing as a perfect man, but I really do want more than I have. I really want to find a professional man, a man who doesn't mind dressing up, going out dancing, and can mingle at my company functions. I want someone who wants to host nice dinner parties, and isn't intimidated by discussions of current events or politics. Perhaps I'm being shallow, but I prefer to credit this whole thing to my growth as an individual.

I really need some advice on this one. I really think I should leave him and figure out exactly what I want. But the thought of being a divorced woman scares the hell out of me. Hopefully there are some people out there (nice people, not creeps) who can give me some direction. Thank you.

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# 961 - by Anonymous / May 13, 2001

Comments

by Anonymous on May 13, 2001 at 10:20 PM

Personally, I think you should make up your mind and either stay or go. If you want to be discrete about WHY you want a divorce, make something up ... but I think it is wrong to string him along. He might be able to find a new wife to live his boring life with, and you can continue to guiltlessly sow your wild oats, or settle down with someone more atune to your tastes.

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by Anonymous on Jul 23, 2002 at 1:43 AM

What you are doing is deceitful and unethical, not to say disrespectful of yourself and your husband. What many replies are mising here, however, is that it takes two to tango. Yes, your husband's actions or lack thereof are definitely part of the equation here. You have a duty to be honest and communicative with him, and HE has a duty to confront you and communicarte about your relationship. He is either stupid or an ostrich with his head in the sand not to realize something is mising in this marrriage.
I have to add that your love for sex has a pathological tone to it. By that I mean, there is a "sickness" about it.
Anyone who runs around from sex partner to sex partner has an obsessive compulsive problem (an addiction). You might want to rent the newly-released video, "Diary of a Sex Addict." It will give you an insight into what is going on inside your psyche. Your desperate need for sex is probably covering a deep,unattended-to hurt from your past. It is similar to the addiction of an alcoholic, but not the same. It is an addiction, however, that is perpetuated by you in order to drown the pain inside that you will not face. Please get some serious professional help.

by Anonymous on May 14, 2001 at 7:10 PM

I agree with you that it is wrong to string him along. He really is a great guy. I am just scared to death of the whole process of leaving. I mean, I never thought of being a divorced woman. The fear keeps me here more than anything.

by Anonymous on Nov 15, 2002 at 4:15 AM

You say that you've grown personally / professionally and your husband hasn't. With respect, if you're so frightened of being a divorcee that you can't leave him and have to screw around, it doesn't sound like you've grown that much. Maybe you should prove how much you've matured by actually doing something to get what you want and stop deceiving your husband? If you don't you'll be stuck in this rut forever. Wouldn't you rather be a divorcee for a while than live a lie for the rest of your life? You owe it both to yourself and your husband. I'm not saying it will be easy, it will take a lot of courage, but ultimately you'll be a stronger person and will be more likely to get what you really want. I'm sure your husband deep down really doesn't want to be married to a liar and a cheat, no matter how hard it would be for him if you left him.

I know it sounds like I'm really slating you. I'm not. I can imagine how hard and horrible this kind of situation must be. But unless you do something about it, this is how you'll be for the rest of your life, unless your husband leaves you first. Is this what you really want?

by Anonymous on Nov 15, 2002 at 4:18 AM

Or maybe you could talk to your husband about what you want out of the relationship? It could be he wants other things that you're not giving him either. I'm not saying tell him what you've been up to. Just that talking things over can help a lot sometimes.

Good luck, I hope you both get what you want.

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by Anonymous on May 24, 2001 at 11:08 AM

You are only a bit out of control, however you seem to be a very acertive woman and should know how to take the proper precautions.
I am a grown man like you, and after 28 years of trying to teach my wife how to grow, she still wants to act like a teanager and refuses to assume responsabilities that a over 45 person should.
Although I am not cheating on her at the moment, I have done it in the pass with responsible, grown women who were seeking your same desires: Love, caring, good conversation, clean relations, and it was wonderful.
I have felt tempted at times to ask grown women, however they are too close for comfort.
God Help you

by Anonymous on Jul 11, 2001 at 8:01 PM

u need exactly what i need... and i'm only 19!!! ure not shallow, everyone has a right to want the best for themselves... but u need to be honest... that's the most important thing...good luck

by Anonymous on Jul 27, 2001 at 10:28 AM

Dear Out of Control, I did the same thing to my husband for 13 years and he had no idea. We've been married for 27 years. I finally got myself into therapy to find out why I was always searching for the perfect man (believe me, he's not out there). I confessed everything to my husband last summer (something I never thought I could do) and we are working it out. I am still in therapy, also go to group therapy for sex addicts, go to couples counseling with my husband and attend SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) meetings. It's a lot of work but it's worth it. My husband and I have never been closer. Good Luck.

by Anonymous on Aug 10, 2001 at 5:31 PM

You sound to me like you have it together in your head and heart and soul. Follow your bliss. Don't fear hurting anyone -- all is for the best when we act from our hearts.

by Anonymous on Aug 19, 2001 at 12:20 PM

I think a lot of your problem is your BORED...you love the excitement of a new relationship. Something to give you butterflies in your stomache and someone to give you that extra attention you crave to get from your husband.
One of the problems can be that he's too "comfortable". Do you and your husband still "date"? That can be a biggie when it comes to the cause of infidelity.
I know quite a bit on the subject...I've thought these things over a lot...I'm in the same boat as you!
Good Luck and I hope you can work it out with your husband!

by Anonymous on Aug 30, 2001 at 11:27 AM

HI,

I saw your confession and my story is EXACTLY like yours. Unfortunately i think the answer is...we arent satisfied with one lover...not long term. Sex is exciting for us as is the hunt and everything that goes with new relationships. I wish you luck but the only thing i can tell you is im in the same place you are....and if you find an answer please let me know. If you want to contact me you can on yahoo. my screen name is mrbigmax65.

PAul

by Anonymous on Sep 25, 2001 at 5:23 PM

I am in the same situation as you, more or less, and I am about to leave my husband, out of mercy for him. I have strung him along long enough, hoping that I would come to feel more passionate about our marriage, or that he would start to be more interested in the things I am into, or that I would just have a revelation one day that since I love him and he loves me, love is enough.

However, that doesn't happen. I feel horrible for cheating on him, and at the same time justified. But I don't want to be the kind of person I have to be to cheat. I want an open, honest relationship with a person who is more in tune with me... and he deserves the same. So do you and your husband.

The prospect of divorce is as terrifying as hell. I married at 25, pretty innocent about relationships and men, and at 30, I have committed adultery (numerous times now) and have seen the effect it has on someone (because I told him about the first incident, hoping to releive my guilt and come clean with him, and let him know why he was feeling so awful about us lately). Big mistake. It's like stomping on a baby who just put out its arms for you to pick it up.

And yet you have to be brave enough to make your own needs important, by leaving, and giving him the best and most loving gift you can give him now, which is to leave.

Spare him the anguish of having you but not really having you, emotionally, and make sure to leave him with some productive years in which he can find a new partner.
And you can eventually get a new one for yourself, as well.

by Anonymous on Oct 20, 2001 at 10:58 PM

Listen, Frankly speaking u need to continue doing wat u are doing..... Its perfectly normal. The only difference being that u are open about it and some are not cos their ego does not allow to be open. Coming to your husband, as long as he is not complaining dont worry for all u know he is also having a good time with somebody else just like you.... so relax and have a good time

by Anonymous on Oct 22, 2001 at 6:23 PM

I agree w/#54.

Leave you husband that would be the biggest gift you could give him.

Just remember he didn't start this and doesn't deserve to be strung along!

He deserves your honesty in the fact that you are seriously thinking about divorce.

The reason you hang on is over your own dilemas & anguish because you're scared of being a divoree.

I read your message and heard a lot of I; How I'm afraid or scared to hell of being divorced. "I" this and "I" that about what "I" want.

Honey, no one said it would be easy but instead of thinking of yourself for once, how about your husband???

Without offending you, it sounds as though you're being greedy only thinking of yourself and what you want. Please think about it.

Think about setting him free instead of hanging on out of fear/concern for yourself.

Otherwise, consider the alternative, work it out with him but either way stop stringing the poor guy along.

Best of luck!

by Anonymous on Dec 3, 2001 at 3:02 AM

You are living a lie and robbing your husband of his life.
You have no idea the damage you have already done to your husband, you are a very selfish person.

by Anonymous on Dec 3, 2001 at 3:05 AM

What kind of idiot wrote this statement? Pathetic!!!!!!!

by Anonymous on Dec 3, 2001 at 3:07 AM

Geez, not looking for a date or anything, eh mrbigass?

by Anonymous on Dec 3, 2001 at 3:10 AM

Your an idiot!

by Anonymous on Jun 23, 2011 at 5:12 AM

seems you need to mature a bit. let people be who they are and stop expecting them to become something for your benefit. deal with your own insecurities.

by Anonymous on Nov 4, 2011 at 12:42 AM

I think you're looking for something you're never going to find. Your husband has spoilt you by being too kind, if he'd of done the same to you you'd be fighting to save your marriage. Ask God for forgiveness and move on.

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