Normally I don't think about things too hard, I am an easy going Guy who leads a decent life. under some circumstances I get depressed.
I was outside hanging up my laundry and chatting with my neighbors when I notices a Ferris wheel looming in the background. it was lit up, the lights caught my eyes. forever since I was little I always loved going to the amusement park, Ive been in 16 different amusement parks spread all a crossed the south of the USA.
After a quick phone call with my brother I decided that I would venture out to the mall so that I could ride the Ferris wheel. I made sure the house was in order and I left on my rip-claw bicycle.
The amusement park was scary up close. Tons of people with different ethnics and cultures gathered under this glorious light show. Rides, games, food, and benches with people were lined in a round oval shaped park.I stayed there for what seemed forever. Women, the women, girls, tigers, Asian, I was scared. I have complexity issues around women, Scars..., I feel as if I don't fit in to my own flesh. I walked by a stand with a jackass perched up on a drop cage, sitting there being paid to insult people. the loud microphone he used to spit insults at me. he pointed out my glasses and my long flowing hair, called me a four eyed girl. my mind knew it was nothing to worry about. However the moment got the better of me, I was ashamed as everyone looked at me. I was the only Man there who had long hair. I sat in the back of the amusement park with a couple of strangers, I know that once again I had made the mistake of going somewhere without a partner. My boyfriend lives three cities away and works night shift.
after a while, with many pretty faces, feelings of resentment, I picked my self up with a fake smile and left. upon arriving at my apartment (being that I'm alone tonight) I stepped throught the door with my bike, dropped my bike and closed the door. I didn't feel too bad about tonight, it was decent. after I was sure I was alone I stripped myself of all clothing and pranced through the house bare, hell I'm typing this and I'm nekid. I'm not at all ashamed of my body as long as I'm not surrounded by people- mainly women. I did really stupid crap to women in the past, even unintentional. I just don't feel like my own flesh when I think about women. people say I'm young (for twenty) but I feel light years old.
I still masturbate to girls- alot - like 18+ girls, Im not a pedo. I really don't have alot of friends, Ive never been the type to say anything, share, or do anything with another person. I sort of feel left behind most of the time... on my own I feel ok.
I was outside hanging up my laundry and chatting with my neighbors when I notices a Ferris wheel looming in the background. it was lit up, the lights caught my eyes. forever since I was little I always loved going to the amusement park, Ive been in 16 different amusement parks spread all a crossed the south of the USA.
After a quick phone call with my brother I decided that I would venture out to the mall so that I could ride the Ferris wheel. I made sure the house was in order and I left on my rip-claw bicycle.
The amusement park was scary up close. Tons of people with different ethnics and cultures gathered under this glorious light show. Rides, games, food, and benches with people were lined in a round oval shaped park.I stayed there for what seemed forever. Women, the women, girls, tigers, Asian, I was scared. I have complexity issues around women, Scars..., I feel as if I don't fit in to my own flesh. I walked by a stand with a jackass perched up on a drop cage, sitting there being paid to insult people. the loud microphone he used to spit insults at me. he pointed out my glasses and my long flowing hair, called me a four eyed girl. my mind knew it was nothing to worry about. However the moment got the better of me, I was ashamed as everyone looked at me. I was the only Man there who had long hair. I sat in the back of the amusement park with a couple of strangers, I know that once again I had made the mistake of going somewhere without a partner. My boyfriend lives three cities away and works night shift.
after a while, with many pretty faces, feelings of resentment, I picked my self up with a fake smile and left. upon arriving at my apartment (being that I'm alone tonight) I stepped throught the door with my bike, dropped my bike and closed the door. I didn't feel too bad about tonight, it was decent. after I was sure I was alone I stripped myself of all clothing and pranced through the house bare, hell I'm typing this and I'm nekid. I'm not at all ashamed of my body as long as I'm not surrounded by people- mainly women. I did really stupid crap to women in the past, even unintentional. I just don't feel like my own flesh when I think about women. people say I'm young (for twenty) but I feel light years old.
I still masturbate to girls- alot - like 18+ girls, Im not a pedo. I really don't have alot of friends, Ive never been the type to say anything, share, or do anything with another person. I sort of feel left behind most of the time... on my own I feel ok.
