- Women Only -
Straight Female / 38
After A Lot Of Years And Therapy I Have Come To Terms With My Sex
I was married for several years before I was forced to start a family. It was the beginning of the most stressful period of my life. The whole being pregnant, being seen pregnant was advertising that I had been had. To me, I never talked about having sex. The whole topic embarrassed me. And now he was advertising to all comers, see he had sex with me.
The baby, was a whole other level of stress. I failed at breastfeeding, I only lasted four weeks before giving up. I had found a lady who kept infants and I left my baby after four weeks and returned to work, my refuge. But something had happened to me. I kept myself away from my husband, physically and emotionally. It was over. As embarrassing as it was going to be, I had to get divorced. Stop the whole charade.
He moved into an apartment I heard that he was seeing this girl. Good for him, I hope she is one that likes to have sex, because I didn't. I met her, call it fate. She was just so so, not a beauty by any means, pretty ordinary, not a brain either. I guess she just had what she had between her legs. I became jealous. Terribly jealous. I was his wife you know. Not her.
My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. I had another child, out of the sense that children should have siblings and I owed it to my daughter. I have sex because it is my obligation to let him. I don't ask where or with who he has sex, but he does. Sometimes he comes home after midnight. Sometimes to shower and get dressed and go to work. If I don't know her, I can't be jealous of her.
With a lot of therapy, and life and two pregnancies I have had to accept that I'm a woman. Yes, sometimes it takes getting pregnant before you accept it. It took that for me. I stopped resenting it, it's a fact of life, like being tall or short, or slim or heavy. Why my husband let me stay? I suppose that not complaining if he goes out is part of it, he's an alley cat when it comes to sex. Never enough.
I thought for a long time that I was a lesbian. But I'm not, I tried hard, but I'm not. I had to admit to myself that I'm not. I have a husband for a reason, and as hard as it was for a long time, I'm his wife. And he has a wife, and that includes sex, and cooking and cleaning. It's a thing with him, and I have learned that I either dance or I won't be his wife. And 'being' his wife is who I am.
The baby, was a whole other level of stress. I failed at breastfeeding, I only lasted four weeks before giving up. I had found a lady who kept infants and I left my baby after four weeks and returned to work, my refuge. But something had happened to me. I kept myself away from my husband, physically and emotionally. It was over. As embarrassing as it was going to be, I had to get divorced. Stop the whole charade.
He moved into an apartment I heard that he was seeing this girl. Good for him, I hope she is one that likes to have sex, because I didn't. I met her, call it fate. She was just so so, not a beauty by any means, pretty ordinary, not a brain either. I guess she just had what she had between her legs. I became jealous. Terribly jealous. I was his wife you know. Not her.
My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. I had another child, out of the sense that children should have siblings and I owed it to my daughter. I have sex because it is my obligation to let him. I don't ask where or with who he has sex, but he does. Sometimes he comes home after midnight. Sometimes to shower and get dressed and go to work. If I don't know her, I can't be jealous of her.
With a lot of therapy, and life and two pregnancies I have had to accept that I'm a woman. Yes, sometimes it takes getting pregnant before you accept it. It took that for me. I stopped resenting it, it's a fact of life, like being tall or short, or slim or heavy. Why my husband let me stay? I suppose that not complaining if he goes out is part of it, he's an alley cat when it comes to sex. Never enough.
I thought for a long time that I was a lesbian. But I'm not, I tried hard, but I'm not. I had to admit to myself that I'm not. I have a husband for a reason, and as hard as it was for a long time, I'm his wife. And he has a wife, and that includes sex, and cooking and cleaning. It's a thing with him, and I have learned that I either dance or I won't be his wife. And 'being' his wife is who I am.
