Well, I'v a 45 year old male, married my high school sweatheart more than 24 years ago. Sex in the beginning was good, but over time, it has gone from good, to non-existant. I'm now living in a sexless marriage (that is, maybe 5 or 6 times a year). We have no kids, and we're both O.K. with that, and we both have great jobs and pull in more than $250,000.00/year combined. We have a pretty good life, but I somehow feel like we're more of roommates these days. My wife has always had a relatively low sex drive, and has just gotten worse over the years. She has never initiated, and as time went on, rarely even touches me now. For example, I haven't got a hand job in probably 10 years, and maybe had 2 BJ's in our entire 24 year marriage, but they were very early on. I used to go down on her fairly often, but stopped about 10-12 years ago because it was always a 1-way street. I turned to light pornography on the web maybe 5 years or so ago, and masturbate fairly frequently (3-4 times weekly) to just help cope with a non-existent sex life these days.

I started working with this younger and quite attractive woman about a year ago, and we work pretty close together. We have coffee fairly frequently (daily), and go out for lunch and even for drinks after work once in while (1/week maybe). I can say that I'm smitten with her now and do think about her a lot. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, so the fact that she's now available makes it even harder because I fantasize about us being together. I do think that she likes me, but is knowingly keeping a safe relationship because she knows I've been married for so long. I did speak with her last week about how I'm trying to figure out with myself on how to approach 'a delicate subject' with my wife and a problem with our relationship. I didn't get into the 'sexless marriage' details though. I did say that it might be a 'show stopper' and I'm having trouble just finding the words and the delicate tact required to bring it up. She's asked me several times since we talked if I spoke with my wife about it yet. I haven't. I wonder if she may think that I've fallen in love with her, or something like that, I don't know, and that's what I have to bring up with my wife.

One one hand, I'm thinking that I need to just end it with my wife. People dont change. Human nature doesn't change. My wife has a no sex drive and that's not going to change. I don't want to live a life without sex, and that's not going to change. Sure, we can talk about it, and she may feel obliged for give me pity or duty sex, but when I know she's doing it just because she feels she has to, well that doesn't work either.

So, I've been mulling things over in my head over the past year or so, and I've been pretty miserable in general. My wife asks me, but I just say stuff like "I'm bored.", or "I'm so sick of winter.".. blah blah blah.. but in reality, I'm just so depressed and feel like a beaten dog over the whole thing. My relationship with my co-worked has just brought it to the surface and made me realize that sex IS important to me, and the thought of living in a sexless marriage scares me. What happens in 5 year time, will it go down to zero times per year?? I don't think I can handle that. I've got so much pent-up frustration these days, that sometimes I want to explode and just leave.

My biggest problem is that I have a hard time communicating with my wife. I have a hard time bringing this subject up. We rarely talk about sex, and deeper issues in general. Even the realization that we could not have kids sort of just took it's own course. Is it my fear of hurting my wife?? Is is just me being a lot like my father who doesn't talk about problems at all. I don't know. I started reading this book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy" (saw it in a forum somewhere), but couldn't get through it because it just seemed so cheesy. I did two chapters and just deleted that ebook. I don't read any self-help books. Never have. I'm just not kind of guy.

So why am I here?? I don't know. I just wanted a place to articulate my feelings and maybe just help myself come to realization about what's going on with my relationship with my wife. I don't have any close friends these days, so I can't lean on a friend, which in itself is painfull. I used to be in the military and had some great friends there, but when I retired after 14 years, I came west and none of them are out this way. I wish I had more friends. Close friends I could talk to. It seems my only good friend is my wife these days, but I find it hard to talk to her about this and my feelings in general.

Anyway, I can only hope that something happens. I can't continue on like this. Either my wife gets horny (miracle), or I figure out what to do. I don't want a sexless marriage. I don't want a sexless marriage. I don't want a sexless marriage.