I was once head over heels in love.
It's not something that happens to me often. Before Dawn I'd only ever felt that particular mix of emotions once before. It's not anything you can describe. It has to be experienced and when you're experiencing it, you just know what it is.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted her to have my children. If she would have asked me to lasso the stars and pull them down to Earth, I would have tried to do it.
We were both just a couple of poor country kids. We spent our days visiting one another, either at my place or hers. We swam in the little creek in the woods at the edge of our town, we watched wrestling and laughed over how crazy it was. Dawn adopted a mangy old stray kitten and named it Ziggy. She said it was our "son". She'd make me kiss him goodnight whenever I'd leave to go home.
I loved that girl with all my heart. I may not have had much in the world, but I had her and that made everything else ok.
Then she started hanging around with Chad. Oh, don't be jealous she told me. Chad's gay. That's why he's in the cosmetology course with me. You see, Dawn left our regular high school during our junior year to attend a vocational school, with a special cosmetology curiculum. When she graduated she could go right to work in a salon somewhere.
Whenever I'd run into her and Chad, he'd have this little shit eating grin on his face and in his eyes, like "haha I know something you don't know". It twisted my guts, but what could I do?? Dawn swore she loved me and he was just a friend (and gay).
I should have known something was up when Dawn stopped saying "I love you too" when we'd end a phone call or I'd go home for the night. I'd say it, because I meant it and we'd hug and kiss. I'd wait a second or two for her to reply and she'd give me a "Ok, goodnight sweets. Talk to you tomorrow."
I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised when she finally admitted to me - over the phone no less - that she'd been sleeping with Chad and might even be pregnant by him (turns out, she wasn't) .
I'm 6'2'', 210 pounds. Even at seventeen in high school I considered myself a man. I'd gone through what I thought were some pretty rough times in my life. But I've never had my heart and soul ripped out like that. I didn't know whether to vomit, cry or wreck my own house. I wanted to do all three.
Just like that it was over. I spent a week brooding in a place I never want to go again. It was a real dark time for me.
For her part, relieved of the burden of her needing to keep her new romance hidden, Dawn was as light as a feather. She was everywhere with her new boyfriend. Driving around in the car his dad gave him, going to all the old places we used to hang out, excitedly showing Chad our swimming hole, our backtrails for romantic walks, our special place for watching the sunset.
Slowly, over weeks the love I'd once felt for her so strongly turned mean.
I could tell Dawn was really falling for Chad. Why wouldn't she?? He could do things for her and give her things that she wanted. Most of the rest of us had fathers, uncles and older brothers who worked for Chad's dad at the dried fruit and nut packing plant in town.
Dawn saw visions of herself living in a big old house, surrounded by luxury and her and Chad's kids. When he took over his dad's factory one day, the money would roll in.
Except, I wasn't about to let that happen.
There was a big 4th of July party being planned. Just to rub a little salt into my still fresh wounds, Chad invited me to come. He liked doing shit like that. Well, I accepted. The better man had won, I grinned and we shook. Water under the bridge. He and Dawn looked good together.
You see, I knew Dawn turned into a damned little fool when she had a few drinks in her. I remembered parties at the creek with our friends where she'd danced in nothing but her panties or ran through the milkweed and cattails naked after a little Jaegermeister. She couldn't hold her booze.
So at the party, I found Dawn and we talked. I laid it on real good. I didn't hold anything against her. She smiled and hugged me and I handed her a drink. We walked and talked and drank and before too long she was bombed.
Just once more for old times sake?? I asked, nodding out toward a patch of woods free of partiers. Just a quickie.
She thought about it, smiled and shrugged. Ok.
So we walked hand in hand back into those woods and laid down in the high grass and had sex. Only it wasn't a quickie, because once turned on, Dawn was hard to cool down. We lay there and fucked and kissed and wrestled around for the better part of an hour and all the while, I was snapping pics with my phone. Just for memories, I promised.
I would have loved seeing Chad's face when he got a full set of those pics in his e-mail two days later.
What happened was Dawn called me, furious, crying. How could I?? That was a rotten thing to do. She trusted me.
Chad had shown them to her and broken up with her on the spot. He'd looked so crushed, she said. It had broken her heart.
Aww, I replied. You mean you can't take him to our swimming hole anymore, or go on long walks in the evening along those trails I showed you when we first got together?? No more driving past my place or inviting me to parties just to rub your relationship in my face??
That's a shame.
She called me a bastard and hung up.
About a month later she called me back.
Chad was dating her ex best friend Courtney. She couldn't believe that bitch was dating her ex!
Uh huh I replied.
Anyway, she went on. I kinda miss you and so does our boy, Ziggy. Want to come by??
Nope.
Oh... ok then. Bye.
Bye I smiled and ended the call.
It sucks when you lose the love of your life, doesn't it Dawn??