I struggle trying to trust men and feel psychotic at times and like they are playing games on me. I go through terrible head spins trying to trust that a guy will like me and not hurt me. I worry that I am not good enough a great deal and men will abuse me and set me up to be raped by strangers again or in group sex which is not my thing.

why do I find it so hard to be in an intimate relationship and mingle and seem to like secret sex and having sex in hotel rooms or somewhere else but I really do want a boyfriend all the traditional ways who comes to my house and sleeps in my bed. I have never had that yet.