THOUGH THIS HAPPENED in 1996 i still can't forget the emotional scars and memories that sexual contact with my father have left me with,i don't imagine how anything can get so crazy and take responsability for going through with it since i was so gullible and always pushing the limits of my curiosity.today i'm more focused and though i don't hate my father i certainly don't feel comfortable in his presense,angel my son who is 10 years old and my daughter lili-ann who is 8 years old are not allowed with him outdoors alone and of course when my father visits i'm always finding excuses to get him out of my apartment especially when he hints we should take advantage now that i'm divorced...the only way to relate this story is to be sincere and exact with details something i would never do with a therapist or anyone i actually know...I WAS 11 YEARS OLD when my father suddenly began inviting me to his worksites,back then he was contracted to renovate n.y.c. housing apartments mainly in the south bronx [my apartment is near one of these developments today]...i remember missing out many days of school that year because my father would often pick me up and drive me to one of his worksites,my mother who is peruvian didn't mind even when my father brought me home late at night...since their divorce when i was 10 years old it seemed like the only alternative to see my father whose work schedule obligated him to work even on sundays though he was allowed a months vacation every year.though these housing units had electricity and water there weren't any tenants and management rules clearly stated that my father wasn't allowed to have family or friends on the premises but my father took advantage that he worked alone to sneak me in through a long corridor that led to the back of the basement and up to the 1st floor elevators.though there was security cameras and housing management were required to have security guards to prevent vandalism and theft,they chose to cut expenses and ignore these city requirements [until 2001]...my father who is puerto rican clearly loved to work in this environment and i oftened wondered how simple it was for anything to happened due to the solitary advantage those places provided us...since the total of apartments due for inspection every month were 7 units my father had plenty of time to get to know me better and often commented how lady-like i looked in my school uniform though i hated st.aquinas catholic school and it's code of ethics,boys were kept separate from the girls except during lunch and playtime in the schoolyard and even then the teachers and nuns were alert at all times to avoid misconduct of certain boys and girls engaging in kissing and sometimes even touching each other...though i spoke to my father in regards to certain events in my life [some personal] i did so with no intent to provoke him sexually,i had kissed a boy only once and had found an old porno magazine depicting adult men in the nude and of course it was shocking that some of them had huge thick penise's that seem to defy gravity when erect,it was meant with sincerity and innocence...a father and daughter confiding in each other during those long hours alone.my mother who was always a penny-pincher would often tell me to ask my father if i needed anything even personal items like panties [i refused to wear bras even today]...naturally my father would ask me why was it that every month i kept wearing out the ones he had bought me the month before,i remember thinking how casual it was to explain the difference between cotton panties and the better brands of satin or silk.naturally the cotton ones he always bought would stain with my female moisture and dry causing the fabric to stick like glue to my chuchie [yes,that's how i used to describe my female genitalia]...the silk and satin panties kept the crotch area moist and felt far more pleasant according to my best friend marilena,though my father having been with several woman apart from my mother never knew there was a difference but then female issues like menstruations and a woman's hygiene never interested him.i can assure you my father wasn't a cheap man since i was perhaps one of the few girls in school who had gold jewelry and expensive cloths to wear though i was only permitted to carry 20 dollars in case of an emergency...i guess being an only child and fathers little girl had it's advantages back then and i must admit it was fun to have my fathers attention and what i thought was fatherly love.i imagine today that perhaps being too personal and alone with my father seemed to have had a sexual effect as we gradually learned more about each other,he often said he felt in need of a lady friend but his work was too demanding [sometimes he worked 16 hours straight] if only to release his sexual urges...strangely there would often be a long silence between us as we stood together by one of the windows and it was there that one day he walked up behind me and began massaging the back of my neck and shoulders,at some point without a word being said his hands were up inside my school dress pulling and tugging my panties down to my knees...being a short skinny girl i felt light as a feather as my father lifted me high above him and though i felt slightly uncomfortable my father seemed to enjoy smelling and licking my small moist chuchie and pushing his tongue up my soft little ass...we were in a 3rd floor apartment and thankfully no one was passing by to see a young girl with her dress up to her waist and panties down to her knees exposing her chuchie out that window.my father pretty much had tasted his little girl and though i had not resisted he stopped after several minutes lowering me back to the floor so that i could pull my panties back up.naturally i stood there looking out the window as my father busied himself with picking up his tools in preparation to take me home.though i had liked it my only thought was it should have been with one of the boys in school or perhaps one of the college boys from hostos community college that was near where i lived,yet when my father arrived the following day to take me back to that 3rd floor apartment it was as if a silent decision had been made between us...though i wasn't sexually prepared for what my father had every intention of doing i felt upon that moment in time that it was my only opportunity to experiment sexual intimacy if only because i was curious...would that i could say it was pleasurable when my father lifted me up unto the kitchen sink,having practically torn my panties off he gripped my small shoulders as he towered above me from behind and lowered himself to get his huge penis between my legs...barely were my feet able to touch the floor to gain some balance when my father lifted me off that kitchen and shoved his penis up my chuchie,i gasped in pain as he tighten his grip on my shoulders and practically slammed me facedown on the kitchen counter...my eyes rolled to the back of my head as my father grunted with sexual pleasure and pre-ejaculated deep in my womb,though my chuchie was too small and tight my father managed to engage me in sexual intercourse slowly shoving the length of his penis and moving it clockwise and counter clockwise as i kicked,screamed and gasped in pain...he practically fucked me his entire 8 hour shift stopping to rest during several of his orgasms but holding me down on that kitchen counter while obtaining his next erection...thankfully he never attempted anal sex but that entire year until i turned 12 my father fucked my chuchie in many of those housing apartments,my ex-husband apart from several boyfriends throughout the years i considered to have average size penis at less than 6 in a half inches contrary to my father who fucked my little chuchie with 8 inches of thick penis...quite honestly that is too much dick for a young girl and today when i see my father it upsets me to remember how cruel he was,perhaps had he been gentle who knows... the truth is i often feel the urge to fuck but with two kids and being fat due to my pregnancies there aren't many options in my neighborhood for male companionship and though my father who lives nearby would like to and i'm tempted i sincerely don't trust him with my daughter but wonder what it would be like today that i'm a woman...truth story