Confused.

I realize that 39 is a little too old to still be confused about my sexuality, but I am. I am clueless. I am married, and for the most part, I love my wife. I love sex with my wife. I love the kinky stuff we do. But part of me, a big part of me actually, cannot stop thinking about sucking cock. I want to swallow tons of cum. The thought of kissing a guy absolutely disgusts me though. I would love to be covered in the cum of ten guys, but I do not want a relationship with one or anything. I know I’m not gay, I do love pussy, but I need cock. I swallow my own cum pretty often, I give myself anal and it makes me cum without fully satisfying me so I can do it. What the hell am I? When I was like 18 or 19, I sucked the cock of my then best friend. He was openly bi, and it just made me curious. I chickened out before he shot his load though, it ended up in my hand. Oh my god I regret that, I wish so much I would’ve just swallowed every drop. If wasn’t so afraid of getting sick from sucking cock, I would do it everyday.