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Men Only
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Straight Male / 67
In Another Time, But That Wasn't The World We Were Married In
This is just opening up about marrying a lesbian girl and how it doesn't go right. She got married because at a party she got pregnant her first time. There was no other solution, a pregnant single woman was sentenced to death socially and so we were married in a legal but not a religious ceremony. Strictly for the benefit of the child. From that beginning I've had this woman in my life. She refused to change her name, clue No. 1, she refused to have sex, clue No. 2. She became hysterical if I saw her undressed, much less nude, clue No. 3. She did the bare minimum and never with a happy face.
I told myself that it would be over soon, once the baby was born, we would get just as legal and simple a divorce. But a divorced woman was close to death socially, so that became the situation. Her social circle wasn't mine, but I grew up with the same rules and I understood but did not like the situation I was in. I gave her an ultimatum, she changed her name or there would be a divorce with the lengthy dragging her through the courts. Yes, it was blackmail.
Her pretensions of being married once the child arrived never carried into the bedroom. Sex was never consensual, forced, and always with a fight afterwards. There was no solution for her either, she was legally married and she was my wife, and custom and law dictated that a woman offer herself to her husband or he can take her by force, and she became pregnant the second time. We never lived in one room and one bed.
She met a woman her own age, at this time she was barely 24, a girl to me, but they called themselves women. A member of a secret movement, what today are called activist. Her cause was women's liberation and their target was forced taking of the husband's name. They got along, when they were together she was a different person. I accused them of being lesbians and I got stonewalled and denial. Of course they were lesbians, but of the three, a single mother, a divorced woman, and a lesbian. A lesbian was the kiss of death itself.
I resorted to the tried and true alternative and kept a girlfriend hidden away. Girlfriends when you had them had to be of a lower social cast, one who was excused because of their financial condition. A good girlfriend used the opportunity to better themselves and take care of their brothers and sisters and their mother as well. Putting her in a house, and putting her to work with a friend was sufficient. That and a monthly allowance. In return, sex was freely offered, affection, attentions I never got at home. I would rather see her and her mother than spend the night at my house. Soon she became pregnant and I started a second family, one where I was the man of the house. I was 30.
An event occurred, unplanned, a moment only, where my wife and her friend showed deep affection in front of people at an art opening. A hand in hand, and a kiss, that went far deeper than the socially permitted air kisses on the cheek. They were noticed and the troubles started, the observations of their behaviors had been the talk among the women, and now there was this moment. a kiss in public. I had no choice but come to their defense, and got my wife pregnant again and separated her socially and moved her and the children to the house on the coffee plantation. Where she would suffer her pregnancy and she could be returned in time, with a third child, she could argue that she was my wife and nothing really had happened.
My wife is a lesbian, always was, she is now a grandmother and she lives in Miami with her friend, her lover, they own and operate an art gallery. I have my lover, my other family, my children by her, and she has been to me what a wife should be. Our rules of social order have changed in half a century and close friends and family do not frown on my lover. They have accepted that women can be lesbians although the courts held that woman should take her husband's name after married. My wife goes by her married name, and the argument that I hear most often is why I can't find a way for her lover to change her name to mine as well.
I have no recommendations, only observations. A woman is not a wife who refuses a husband, who denies him her affections. We got married in another time, but today a man is free to walk away and no one will see him the less for it. A woman who is a lesbian has the opportunity to hold herself out as one, but her insistence that the social system accept her and her lover as if she were a wife is wrong.
I told myself that it would be over soon, once the baby was born, we would get just as legal and simple a divorce. But a divorced woman was close to death socially, so that became the situation. Her social circle wasn't mine, but I grew up with the same rules and I understood but did not like the situation I was in. I gave her an ultimatum, she changed her name or there would be a divorce with the lengthy dragging her through the courts. Yes, it was blackmail.
Her pretensions of being married once the child arrived never carried into the bedroom. Sex was never consensual, forced, and always with a fight afterwards. There was no solution for her either, she was legally married and she was my wife, and custom and law dictated that a woman offer herself to her husband or he can take her by force, and she became pregnant the second time. We never lived in one room and one bed.
She met a woman her own age, at this time she was barely 24, a girl to me, but they called themselves women. A member of a secret movement, what today are called activist. Her cause was women's liberation and their target was forced taking of the husband's name. They got along, when they were together she was a different person. I accused them of being lesbians and I got stonewalled and denial. Of course they were lesbians, but of the three, a single mother, a divorced woman, and a lesbian. A lesbian was the kiss of death itself.
I resorted to the tried and true alternative and kept a girlfriend hidden away. Girlfriends when you had them had to be of a lower social cast, one who was excused because of their financial condition. A good girlfriend used the opportunity to better themselves and take care of their brothers and sisters and their mother as well. Putting her in a house, and putting her to work with a friend was sufficient. That and a monthly allowance. In return, sex was freely offered, affection, attentions I never got at home. I would rather see her and her mother than spend the night at my house. Soon she became pregnant and I started a second family, one where I was the man of the house. I was 30.
An event occurred, unplanned, a moment only, where my wife and her friend showed deep affection in front of people at an art opening. A hand in hand, and a kiss, that went far deeper than the socially permitted air kisses on the cheek. They were noticed and the troubles started, the observations of their behaviors had been the talk among the women, and now there was this moment. a kiss in public. I had no choice but come to their defense, and got my wife pregnant again and separated her socially and moved her and the children to the house on the coffee plantation. Where she would suffer her pregnancy and she could be returned in time, with a third child, she could argue that she was my wife and nothing really had happened.
My wife is a lesbian, always was, she is now a grandmother and she lives in Miami with her friend, her lover, they own and operate an art gallery. I have my lover, my other family, my children by her, and she has been to me what a wife should be. Our rules of social order have changed in half a century and close friends and family do not frown on my lover. They have accepted that women can be lesbians although the courts held that woman should take her husband's name after married. My wife goes by her married name, and the argument that I hear most often is why I can't find a way for her lover to change her name to mine as well.
I have no recommendations, only observations. A woman is not a wife who refuses a husband, who denies him her affections. We got married in another time, but today a man is free to walk away and no one will see him the less for it. A woman who is a lesbian has the opportunity to hold herself out as one, but her insistence that the social system accept her and her lover as if she were a wife is wrong.
