I've been abducted by beings from outer space since I was about 3 years old. They come at different times of day and at different intervals so I never know when to expect them. When they first came, they just played games with me. I guess this was to check my intelligence. Finding that I was bright, they began giving me tests of my morality. Sometimes, they made me vomit up my dinner so that I would be hungry and be tempted to steal candy bars at the corner store. Other times, they kept me up all night so that I couldn't study and was tempted to cheat from a friend's paper. When I came into puberty, the aliens began examining my private parts and deciding I was healthy, tried interbreeding. It was hard initially, because they could only keep me for a few hourse, but after I moved away from home, they were able to inseminate me with gallons of alien seed over the course of several days. Normally I miscarry these half alien fetuses, but this recent pregnancy has lasted nearly twenty months. I have gained 79 lbs and am running out of things to wear so that I can keep my job. Last night, I cut a hole in my bedspread and wore it like a poncho to the 7-11 over unbuttoned size 28 jeans. I hope this alien baby is born soon.